How do I respond to feedback I disagree with while staying open to learning?

Aim first to understand the feedback, not to accept or reject it on the spot. A short pause can help you respond deliberately: “I want to understand what you mean. Could you give me a specific example?” That signals attention without conceding that the assessment is accurate.

Then separate three things: what the person observed, what they concluded from it, and what you believe was happening. For example, “You noticed I asked several questions in the meeting” is an observation; “I wasn’t prepared” may be an interpretation. Your context may add something important, but try to hear the observation before offering it.

You might say: “Thanks for raising this. I’m not sure I see it the same way yet, but I’d like to understand the example and what impact you noticed.”

Ask for a recent, concrete instance and the change they would have found helpful. Keep the questions curious and limited; a rapid series can sound like cross-examination.

For example: “Could you point to a recent moment when my communication caused a problem? What information or timing would have helped?” If the person cannot recall an example, you can still ask what they mean by “better,” but avoid treating a broad label as a clear action item. You could agree to revisit it after they have a specific situation in mind.

Listen for details you can check: what happened, when, who needed what, and what effect followed. You do not have to resolve every disagreement in the conversation. If the discussion is tense, say you would like time to think and suggest a time to continue.

Treat the example as information to examine, not a verdict. Ask yourself: Is the observation accurate? Is there another plausible explanation? What did the other person need or experience? Is there a small adjustment worth trying even if you disagree with the larger judgment?

Imagine a colleague says you “dismissed” their proposal because you moved quickly to another agenda item. You may remember that time was short and that you intended to return to it. You can acknowledge the observable sequence while clarifying your intent: “I did move on before we discussed it fully. I was trying to keep us to time, not dismiss the idea. I can see how it came across that way. Next time, I’ll say when we can pick it back up.”

That response does not require you to claim you meant harm or agree with every part of the feedback. It identifies a possible effect and a specific experiment. Later, reflect on whether the adjustment helped; do not promise yourself or the other person an outcome you cannot guarantee.

Try this adaptable script: “Thanks for telling me. I want to understand it before I respond fully. Could you share a specific example and what effect it had? I see [part you recognize]. I see [part you interpret differently] differently because [brief context]. I’ll think about whether [possible adjustment] is worth trying, and we can check in about [specific point] later.”

Keep the context brief; the purpose is to clarify, not to win the exchange. Afterward, write down the feedback in neutral words, your response to it, and one question you still have. Decide whether to accept a change, test one, ask for more detail, or set the feedback aside for now. If you choose a test, make it small and observable—for instance, explicitly naming when a discussion will resume. You can return to the conversation without presenting your first reaction as your final answer.